Tag: grandchildren

The value of connection

caraheart

Heart Art by Cara Mathia

This morning I went for a long walk at stupid o’clock because I’m fed-up of waking up too early and trying to get back to sleep, it doesn’t work.

So I thought I’d make better use of my time by exercising even if it was still dark outside. I met no one except a walker with a very ugly dog. Maybe it was the only time she felt all right to take the doggy out after all it was only 5.30am and she seemed surprised to see me!

I found as I walked I had space in my head to dwell on things I don’t normally dwell on. I thought about my granddaughter and Easter. We had been on Facetime the previous evening and we were talking about all sorts of things. How it was test week at school and how she didn’t like tests because she would get stuck sometimes.

Then we remembered that Easter was coming soon and she immediately started to tell me of the many Easter hunts she had experienced. Right down to the smallest detail of exactly where the tiny chocolates had been hidden in the garden by her granddad. She recalled so many lovely times with him in a perfectly natural and happy way.

It was clear that she still has a close connection to him even though he died when she was only six and she will be nine this year. She wasn’t sad, she was happy remembering him. It was a breath of fresh air to me. Children are so uninhibited and natural when they aren’t told how to feel about death. She just gets it somehow.

She was the same when I told her that the photo of her “Baba” fell from the shelf all by itself. She immediately said that he, Baba, had “floated up” and knocked it off. Makes me smile when I hear about the way she sees life. I love her explanations.

Back to my walk… As I stomped my way along the muddy fields and paths I was thinking how this word “connection” has run through my life in so many different ways. It is possible that it was simply this word alone that had attracted me to Kristie West’s work. Her definition of grief is G.R.I.E.F.

G. is for Gratitude

R. is for real Connection

I. is for Inspiration

E. is for Expression

F. is for Freedom

Real connection, that is what Carys and I had when she and I talked about her happy memories of her granddad and of hunting for chocolate Easter eggs in the garden.

There are a variety of ways in which to be connected to someone who has died without the need for any religious or spiritual beliefs. It could be by memory, by stories, by feeling. But the thing is if we really want to feel a genuine on going connection we have to be free from the pain of grief. Otherwise we wouldn’t want to go there, we wouldn’t be able to because as humans we are programmed to avoid pain, we turn away from pain, we would do anything not to feel pain of any kind if we could avoid it.

As the sun began to rise over the golf course I was remembering the first travel company we had which was called Travel Connexions. Then when that company folded we began another and called it East-West Connect because we did a lot of business in the Far East and India. Later we became Connect Consultancy as the business morphed more into Public Relations. And parallel to that I had my own separate business in the exercise world and called it Connect Studio.

On reflection it looks like I have pursued connection in one way or another all my life. But what does connection mean in the context of a death and why might it be of value? What I mean by connection is being joined in some way to that person even though they are dead. The reason it is important is because with such a connection we can continue to feel their presence. Why would anyone not want that?

Because I am lucky enough to have healed the pain of grief I can feel Mark’s presence in my life whenever I want. Not a day goes by without me thinking about, talking to and asking for advice from him just like I did when he was alive.

Plus I have the added benefit of grandchildren who are the living thread of connection that continue the family line forward to the next generation and beyond.

I am forever grateful.

With love

Josephine x

To find out more simply send me a message and I’ll get back to you within 24 hours. J

 

18/03/2016 More